The United States of Tara, S03E03

• Grandma: You have such soft hands for a boy. You're a gay, aren't you?
• Marshall: I am.
• Grandma: How is that?
• Marshall: It's like Christmas every day.

A day in the life of an IT guy

• Me: Hi, this is Dustin with ______, I'm calling to get your laptop connected to the copier. How are you this afternoon?
• Client: Ohhhh, fat and sassy. You?
• Me: Always.